The exciting news from the Liberal Democrat Leadership election is non-existent. Two candidates, head to head – Jo Swinson; Ed Davey, neither capable of finding more than two letters in their name nor finding more than one policy, nor any coherent reason for that policy.
Jo – Glasgow-born but sensible enough to have moved to Dumbarton, the one candidate honest enough to proclaim that a try-again vote was a fringe idea, but still supporting it. Ed – Nottingham-born and fled to Suburbiton, the one sensible enough not to mention a cry-again vote in his pitch.
Head to head, pitching identical platforms, defying that popular prejudice that holds that liberals have imagination – who will be chosen – who can tell when the voting membership are as mad as a box of frogs? Who indeed could care less?
In July, just as Boris is moving into Number 10, we find out which two-letter faces him across the Chamber, unknown until this moment, and unknown ever to remain. – Jo or (well actually it will be Jo).
The great Chuka Umunna national tour of politics continues. Labour – TIGgers – ChUKers – RA – New TIG – now playing in the Liberal Democrats, and each gig less successful than the last. We have to ask: where will his tour take him next, and isn’t it time to hang up his guitar and retire?
Fresh out of Labour he formed a new band, The Independent Group, and within two days killed it stone dead. The dying band renamed itself after him as ChUK – ‘Change UK: keep the status quo’, then Remain Alliance, and even its logo was crossing itself out. After destroying his new party, he created a new TIG, chucking ChUK just s it was taking on yet another name (don’t ask me – it could change again before the weekend is over). The newer band trashed, its a flit to see what he can do to the LibDems.
They took him in, readers – they actually took him in. Vince Cable swallowed the poison and is happy with it. The Chuka ex-ChUk Chuckle Brothers are grinning like Cheshire cats in publicity photos.
He is just in time to enter the contest for the LibDem leadership, but he is out of luck: under the current party rules he is ineligibility as he is not called Jo Swinson.
When the LibDems crash and burn and he looks for another stop on his nationwide tour, will he come for the Conservatives? Could he be diverted to the SNP?
Ten Constituencies now under offer: prime seats for the discerning
would-be statesman. Aberconwy, Rushcliffe,
Huntingdon, Putney, Beaconsfield, East Surrey, Bracknell, West Dorset, Eddisbury
and Meriden. All have become available just this week, due to an unfortunate outbreak
of Brexit Derangement Syndrome.
These add to our existing range, still available in South
Cambridgeshire, Broxtowe and Totnes.
This is an exceptional range of parliamentary opportunities for ambitious
customers. The current holders remain in
occupation until the next election but then the way is open for any actual
Conservative willing to take the seat on.
This portfolio covers much sought-after locations mainly in the Midlands and eastern Berkshire but with opportunities as far afield as the Devon Riviera, rural Surrey and Dorset: just the sort of places to take your family, apart from Putney. All enquiries to the local Conservative Associations .